Re: your email

Dear Trailblazer,

I got your email this morning. It was so touching--you really showered me with compliments. I'm not saying this to be mean but are you sure you weren't drunk? I know how you like to get your groove on on Friday nights, and I'm thinking that might have affected the tone of your email. Which brings me to this : don't you dare jump on that one-piece shortset bandwagon. Where does Jessica Simpson get off wearing one in her new video when it's clear that she totally stole that whole disco thing from Madonna. If I ever catch you wearing some of those short shorts then I might have to stage an intervention. I had a blue velour one-piece when I was 7 and I think it should just remain in my memories.

But anyway, you said you liked my blog and that is music to my ears. You said you wished that I posted more often and that made me feel kind of bad so I decided to take a picture of my breakfast and post something just for you.

You said you don't remember me being a foodie when we used to hang out together in high school. Hello? We were both a pair of foodies, you and me.

Remember how much we loved dry toast and tomatoes? And they couldn't be just any tomatoes, they had to be the hardest, most unripe ones at the grocery store, picked way too early for their own good, not a single ounce of juice to be squeezed from them? Your brother used to say "Those aren't even tomatoes." and we used to think how uninformed he was because well, back then, anything an older brother said was bollocks anyway, right?

And don't you remember how we used to go out for dinner together every thursday night after hanging out with the skaters (sk8ters) in the Zellers parking lot? And we didn't just go to McDonald's or Burger King like all the other rednecks. Dude, we went to Swiss Chalet for a quarter chicken dinner with fries and sometimes, when we were feeling frou-frou, we had a baked potato instead.

Remember how I used to eat my alpha-ghetti one letter at a time? Remember how we hated those no-name cookies and gave them a really politically incorrect nickname just to express our dislike for anything that was not Nabisco? If that is not a foodie in the making then I don't know what is.

Anyway, the point is, your email sure was a breath of fresh air. Drunk or not. So I hope you like my berries up there, because I took that picture just for you so that you might wake up this Saturday morning and think to yourself, gee that Michèle sure is nice. Because I sure do think you're swell.

Ta ta and happy eating,
Michèle aka Chicken Legs.

P.S. And don't forget that awesome fruit salad you used to make with a wide variety of canned fruits.